Skip to main content

Fear No Longer in Control

By David Pam McQuel

"How old are you?"
"7."

I was so naïve and non-chalant unaware of the grave consequences of what I have done.My eyeballs sparkled darting around as if I was innocent.

We are going to take you to school and flog you in the presence of all students, the you will keep keep your class room clean for a whole three weeks.

My heart sank.
Take me before two hundred students and disgrace me?

What I hate, in fact, I dreaded was been put to the spot.
I couldn't imagine why on earth should they be so cruel to me? I just stole a java phone! I have done worst than that, albeit not caught.
Now they'd shame me.

Of course, except my mum says no. That was the only condition my teacher gave. Mum wouldn't mind them hanging me. She has preached a thousand sermons weekly about honour, dignity and integrity. She has told us how much she detests being shamed

If only could avoid her knowing about the phone! It was done. The day came and I would be serve mum's favourite Scripture, "...whatever a man sows that shall he reap."
I can never forget that day.

It was the longest half a kilometre to school. Mum would go to school with me, not for honour but for dishonour.

She walked behind me, me the culprit in front while she lashed out a million threats. Her threats were nothing compared to the crucifixion awaiting in the presence of 200 wild kids!

Behind my mind was the thought that for a thousand years kids won't forget that I stole a phone. Every time the thought flashes my mind, I almost nearly pass out.

To cut the story short, I survived the shame, but the scar of the fear has been indelible.

I faced a bigger fear twenty years later at age twenty seven. I have been on a dream job all my friends and colleagues envied me for. I was excellent in my area of expertise, I was young, creative and ambitious.

"Good morning Moses," most would have me sit down first. I had a bad feeling, and was impatient.

"We had a bad deal," he continued. "We have to restructure. We have to reduce our nonessential staff, because we lost a major market. You are good and younger. Others have invested so many years and we can't let them start life from the scratch. You have it all, you can fit in anywhere, and excel."

Cold sweat on my brow hung. It was like a bad dream. Life has just turned around in a minute. I thought Robin, my young bride. I have planned heaven on earth for her and disaster.
Will I survive this?

Four years ago I had all kinds of an appointment with the doctor. I didn't like how I felt. I have not had a major health issue in most of my life. Just symptoms and infections that are common to all. And most at times a dose of prescription took care of it.
But this time, it was different.
I came back five days later on schedule for the result. Dr. Kyle wanted to have a moment of counselling with Dr. Dave first.
"Why?"
I was upset. "I am a man. Tell me, I can take it." When I will not be persuaded, he obliged. I sat down. He advised that I take a deep breathe first.
'Moses...' Pausing to get my undivided attention. When he was sure he had me, he continued. "I think you have cancer'"

He was quiet, stared without blinking. We've been friendly, but he cannot tell how I will take this info.
He searched my eyes to read my emotions. And with ego in my head, I tried to brave it, and downplay everything.

"Cancer, doc?" I smiled dryly.

As I got to the door, doctor Dave walking me out and much information with I wasn't ready, he now realized it was showing how worried I was. For the next seven days, I didn't step out the door. I was indoors large but took the evening to play with my little kids. I needed to make everything look normal.

Weeks and months passed, I did have cancer but it was not life threatening. At its early stage, the surgeon took it out and its roots. I was very much blessed and fortunate.

The afterlife
However, there is a fear I have wrestled with and sends shivers down my spine. Pastor Jones preached during Florence's funeral. He talked about the afterlife. As he spoke, he seemed to be reading my life, exposing my greed, my selfishness and my fears.

I have never been that scared!

Florence was an amazing person testimonies pour in. She had a definite assurance of salvation, she had people whose lives she changed and so on the list goes.

My life was the opposite. I had my pride, my ego and my unrivalled ambition. I trampled on others, I felt neither remorse nor compassion. I thought everyone was how he was because they wanted to, I blamed the poor for been lazy, sluggish and stupid.

I was a smart guy and my smartness has raise me up. But right inside I was conscious of my inadequacies. I was poor, shameful and destitute.

However, nothing ate me up as Pastor Jones' question, "where will I be if you drop dead now?" I have despised Christians who are church freaks, who talk openly about Christ or speak in tongues. I attended church for merely social reasons.
To me, they were just trying to make up for not being as smart as I am.
I wallowed in my pride for too long. And now I was as terrified as if my days were numbered.
Somehow, everyday, I come across a reminder that my life is worthless unless I find peace, the peace that is true and lasting.

I have to take the Nicodemus way, find the truth even if it is at night.
Jesus is the truth. He is the one that grants total freedom from fear.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

REPOSITIONING CAN MAKE YOU MORE EFFECTIVE

  B Y    D A V I D     M C Q U E L Hello Everyone!   It has been a long while. The year 2022 has finally passed. And we are still here. God is to be glorified. We absolutely give God thanks.   I tried to review the year, looking backwards at my pleasure and displeasure with the year. I also did try to see where I failed, underperformed or missed the mark both set by God or by my heart. I always like to do an honest self-appraisal. I bear in mind that either lavishing praises on myself or ignoring things that should be fixed are not to my advantage. Transparency may hurt but I stand to gain first before someone else.   Here are a few things that I came to a conclusion on: 1.       I need to make certain necessary adjustments or changes or repositioning either on my character, my commitment, my determination or my effort. This is non-negotiable. I cannot continue to do things the way I did and expect a different result. I am impressed by European football. If there is s

THE RICH FAMILY IN OUR CHURCH

I'll never forget Easter 1946. I was 14, my little sister Ocy 12, and my older sister Darlene 16. We lived at home with our mother, and the four of us knew what it was like to do without many things. My dad had died five years before, leaving Mom with seven school kids to raise and no money. By 1946, my older sisters were married, and my brothers had left home. A month before Easter, the pastor of our church announced that a special Easter offering would be taken to help a poor family. He asked everyone to save and give sacrificially. When we got home, we talked about what we could do. We decided to buy 50 pounds of potatoes and live on them for a month. This would allow us to save $20 of our grocery money for the offering. Then we thought that if we kept our electric lights turned out as much as possible and didn't listen to the radio, we'd save money on that month's electric bill. Darlene got as many house and yard cleaning jobs as possible, and both of us baby sat fo

FIVE YEARS ON...

B Y   D A V I D    M c Q U E L HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL   But for us at the World Missions Centre, Abidjan, it is an even bigger day. Today is the 5 th anniversary of the launch of the World Missions Africa Blog.   When we launched on January 1, 2017, we had only on our hearts a message to share about the love of God through our Lord Jesus Christ and on our minds anxiety and questions if anyone at all will read the message we blog.   Here was our first blog post published on January 3, 2017: “Welcome to our blog. World Missions, Africa is making every effort to bring the love of Christ to all humanity. Primarily, we focus on  Africa  now in our physical activities. But with the online community, our efforts extends to the ends of the earth. Jesus died for all humanity. Every race, every ethnic group, every people, male or female, bound or free, the gospel of salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ is free to all. Jesus said, "Go into all the world and preach the go